Friday, October 30, 2009

still here--just a little numb!

I. broke. for. a. few. minutes. this. afternoon. God has lifted me up on eagles' wings for the past week--a week today since we first knew that there was something seriously wrong with Jeff.

As I cried hot tears that wracked my body, especially my heart, with actual physical pain, I couldn't help but think how good God has been to us through the years--His faithfulness astounds me.

I especially have on my heart all of those mothers and dads who are now in intensive care units all around the world with gravely ill sons and daughters.

I remember the first morning when I took Jeff to kindergarten, drove through the portico and dropped him off (that was standard procedure). I wrote a "post"--journal entry that day in his baby book. The VietNam war was raging and I remember writing that I might as well be sending him off to VietNam. And that is the way I felt. I had always been the one to kiss his "boo-boos" when he stumbled and fell--, the one to rejoice with him when he accomplished something new and now some strange woman would be taking my place. It ripped my insides apart just to think about it.

I just got through talking to my precious daughter-in-law on the phone. That was the start of my meltdown. She in no way was lamenting-- but just telling me about her morning of looking up recipes, making grocery lists and grocery shopping, getting all of his prescriptions assorted--this on top of a full time job, raising two teen-agers, etc. The overwhelming love I felt for her at that moment cannot be described. That someone loves my son that much--it was just too much to take in and. I. broke. For you see this woman is not a stranger and it is not ripping my heart out--she is my beloved daughter.

Ironic--I posted last week how I thank God for my DILs. I never dreamed that this week I would be even more thankful--really beyond comparison to last week. How ironic!

May God give you a harvest of blessings as He has us this Thanksgiving Season.