How do I do that? How do I remove 44 years of Christmas-ornament collecting and not look back but look forward? The pipe-cleaner chain that my 40-year old son made when he was three, the mason jar lid with the glitter that my 44 year old made when he was 4, the white fabic bauble with a scrawly glittery "Chris" inscribed on it that my 37 year old made when he was 5? How do I look forward when my heart is turned inside out and backwards--?
When the heart pain of removing ornaments from the tree is overwhelmed by the hip pain caused by a sciatica nerve being pinched. I don't want to hurt like this. heart or hip--I want to look forward to many more Christmases with those I love. I don't want to be tempted to think that this might be the last or that it might be the last when I am actually able to put up decorations--it was hard this year--my husband did most of the really hard work involved.
It is not quite as hard removing it as putting it up but in one single moment I am reliving a lifetime of moments. Last month I was looking forward--this month I am looking backward and not handling it well. How many Christmases ago was it when I was admiring the ceramic Christmas tree at my mom's house--now I am wondering how many more Christmases it will be in my home--
I see so many of my friends putting up less and less decorations. I remember when my own mother-in-law had her last live tree, then the temptation to keep her little artificial tree decorated all year--just place a green, plastic bag over it and take it to the garage.
And as the tears well and the lump forms, I am transported i
