This will not be an easy post but one that has been on my heart since I read the assignment on Ann's post last Wednesday:
Next Week: Consider sharing in community: The Spiritual Practice of Listening and Hearing God.
The title of this post really should be, "Why I couldn't hear even though I thought I was listening."
Some years ago, I was involved in a Bible study by Beth Moore. I'm not sure but I think it was Breaking Free.
For the first time that I could remember, I was confronted with the 30th chapter of Isaiah. In the first part of the chapter, in part God is talking to the Israelites about their behavior after being freed from hundreds of years of bondage and slavery to Egypt. You can read about this in the first several verses of chapter 30.
When I read the Old Testament, I try to convert the lessons and teachings to something that applies to me. Israel had been delivered but then after deliverance when things weren't going so well in the journey to their old land, they started murmuring, muttering, complaining, wanting to go back to their old life and some of the things it afforded.
I could apply that to me--I had accepted Christ as Savior as a young child but had lamented about this and that all along my Christian walk.
But then I came to this scripture:
9 These are rebellious people, deceitful children,
children unwilling to listen to the LORD's instruction.
10 They say to the seers,
"See no more visions!"
and to the prophets,
"Give us no more visions of what is right!
Tell us pleasant things,
prophesy illusions.
11 Leave this way,
get off this path, and
stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel.
Wow! Was that what I was doing? Is that why I failed time after time and could not seem to carry on a steady, even relationship with God--I was unwilling to listen? I didn't want my preacher preaching the truth? I wanted to have my ears tickled and for everything to sound good and not be confronted with my sin?
Why did they (and I) not want to really be confronted with the Holy One of Israel. We know from scripture that when God makes an appearance something has to give. I didn't want to give?!
And then the hammer fell when I read on:
12 Therefore, this is what the Holy One of Israel says:
"Because you have rejected this message,
relied on oppression
and depended on deceit,
13 this sin will become for you
like a high wall, cracked and bulging,
that collapses suddenly, in an instant.
Oh, Lord did I really rely on oppression? My mind thought back to the sleepless nights I had spent recounting all the ways that a particular person had hurt me so very badly. I almost made it a point to think about and numerate their sins toward me every day--somehow it made me feel better and more justified for the grudges I was holding towards them--I was relying on their oppression to feel better about myself?
And I was depending on deceit? Well, yes, satan's deceit--(As Sandy says, I will not capitalize his name). I was depending on his lies to feel better about myself? Once more I was confronted by the Holy One of Israel.
And then God warned me of the devastation to follow if I continued in my ear-stuffing ways of not listening to Him and depending on oppression. Yes, by this time, I knew that this chapter in the Bible was written for me and for me alone. I was the guilty party.
13 this sin will become for you
like a high wall, cracked and bulging,
that collapses suddenly, in an instant.
14 It will break in pieces like pottery,
shattered so mercilessly
that among its pieces not a fragment will be found
for taking coals from a hearth
or scooping water out of a cistern."
And just when I thought my heart would break and I could take no more discipline--He interjects this loving Word to me--
15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
Oh Lord, forgive me, forgive, I want to hear your voice. I do not want to be obstinate and stubborn.
And He sweetly says over me--
18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
19 O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
The chapter goes on with promises from God about what else He will do for us when we are willing to listen to Him.
I thank God for this confrontation in my life--this confrontation with the Holy One of Israel--it truly changed my life--oh, yes, I fall back in the same ole rut from time to time of relying on oppression and deceit but I am quicker now to discern when it is happening, to know and rely on this instead:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength."
Love,
Dianne
2010-The Year of Longings
Oh, Lord I long to be an unbroken cistern that pours out rivers of your living water.
